somehow

it rained last night. it rained this morning. its raining now.

you know how fun it is working in the rain? at 3:30 in the morning, trying to get boxes of mushrooms and bananas out of the rain. but leaving the lettuce semi in the rain becuase its in a waxed box... i got wet. the cold, shivering chill that seeps into you. i hope i dont get sick.

im sitting here now, exhausted. already. 3 hours sleep. im off to soul this arvo. im packed... i think im sleeping on the floor, cause my blue mat, really isnt thick. oh well.

sorry.. boring blog so far.

i was thinking in the shower, about how open ive been in the past entries. here on this blog. i.. i dont know why that is.

no, i do. its for purely selfish reasons. i want people to know me. i want to know people too. i want to know what makes them tick, what makes them angry, happy, smile, laugh. i want to know about people.

this blog isnt going anywhere.



in my half exhausted, sleep deprived state im sad. im sad becuase i dont feel loved. and its silly and irrational, and i know that, but yet i still get upset about it. it always happens when i get this tired.
and when i dont eat anything.
i get incredibly insecure and lonely. i am getting incredibly insecure and lonely.



stupid blog... this isnt working...


im not coherant enough when im this tired.


just let me know im loved. hold me when i cry. comfort me. care for me.

help me fight this urge to be strong. help me fight this urge to pretend that everything is alright. help me to be able to cry. help me let you be the one in control, the one in charge. teach me how to do that. i dont know how to...
please. i need you in this,
get through to me somehow...

12:45 pm | Permalink