my day
i went into the city today. to meet up with burkie. im not quite sure exactly why... but do you need a reason to catch up with friends?
i wasnt late, for once... ha ha. i almost was. my train decided it wanted to be delayed, but i got onto a different train that went via the city loop.
i finished writing Andys letter on the train. it gave me something to do. generally i just look out the windows or at the people in my carriage. but today i was the one actually doing something...
i had a headache. i woke up with a headache. went to bed with a headache. i haddnt really drunken anything for ages. i still have it. i should drink something...
anyway. got into the city and had a wonderful day with burkie. posted letters. went into a camera shop and sort of saw the serious burkie... went down st kilda road to find burkies car (whos name is sam btw). went to his house to drop off his car... (his room is messy btw :P), then went up chapel street, and back into the city.
found a good icecream shop (i got mango and mint).
and then jess phoned. im going shopping with her tomorrow... (yeah bec. if i havent talked to you before now... err. got to cancel tomorrow. sorry :(.. jess has her mums car tomorrow).
burkie and i sat by the yarra and talked. we were talking the whole time. everything from guys (ofcourse), friends, church, ikea...
i hugged burkie. it takes me a while to get comfortable enough to hug someone. but once i do, ha! i like my hugs... i like cuddleing and all of that physical touch stuff... a nice way to show love...
anyway. i was originally posting to tell you about my trip home.
i walked burkie to his train, hugged goodbye and went to my playform.
my train was supposed to have already left, but to my suprise it was still sitting there.
it was fairly full. as soon as i had been sitting down for a few moments, the train left.
there were two indain looking guys speaking another language next to me... i didnt understand any of it... but i loved trying to listen anyway.
then a whole bunch of people got off at camberwell, them included. and another guy sat down in their spot. he had orangey hair, and was reading a bible. i watched him read, intently. he underlined. he turned pages. he didnt look up. i couldnt quite see what book he was reading.
i wanted to ask him about it. i had even planned it out in my mind. "are you reading the bible" and see where it went from there. maybe ever pretend i didnt know anything about it.
but he got off at ringwood.
and some other guy sat down opposite me, and two girls and their mum. and we all talked all the way to lilydale.
it was wonderful... talking to complete strangers about things like people killing themselves, ikea furnitire, school, the weather... and all related topics...
******
amd right now i feel weird. i dont quiet know how to describe it. its lik a nervous, anticipating kinda feeling.
i know what it stems out of.
i thought i was over this part of my life... but it appears that, after laying dormant for a while, it comes back with feverance.
i dont know what to do.
i want love, but is what im doing the right way to get it?
while its happeneing its fine. and now when i actually think and not just feel, i see problems...
help me...
I can't help you sam, but i know who can.
