Wagging Church.

ok. so its sunday night. i am not only on the computer, i am missing church.

i dont think my dad has much of a hold on me as i thought. i am an adult now, and he is letting me be. well. relativly.

i didnt want to go to church. i didnt go to church this morning either.

i dont know whats going on with me and God. i know i love him, and he loves me. but i feel like im missing that extra leap of commitment that other people seem to have. its hard to explain. and if i tried i dont know where i would start.

*sighs*

i guess i feel like i dont need him... which is silly cause i know i do, and that i wouldnt be anything without him.
but that doesnt change how i feel. i have plugged up the 'god shaped hole' with so much other stuff that theirs no room left for him.
i dont question his existance. i dont question him. i question my hypocracy.
how can i sing about giving god my all, and him being my top priority, when hes not...

one of my fears is that i will become indifferent to God. that i will live on in this lazy hole, not doing more, but being a moral person... for the rest of my life...
and i see that, right at this very second, that is where my life is headed.

i dont know what to do...

6:19 pm | Permalink