"smile like you mean it"
so its the end...
no more classes for YITS ever.
but, im not sad. yet.
perhaps im too tired to be sad.
or perhaps im in denial.
but i had a really enjoyable afternoon. i actually swam! something i dont do often. ofcourse the fact i fit into my bathers now helps.
at Samilie of the Nat variety's house. she has a nice big pool out the back.
all the yitsers were there. a lot swam.
it was wonderful.
but perhaps, what was more enjoyable, was sitting on the couch with matt and just getting to know him. how can it be that im starting to get to know people now...
matt is a thinker... a lot goes on in his head. he has this appearance of not caring, but some of the stuff he says is like "wow, did that come out of your mouth?"
and then he had to go.
i was tired enough to sit on that couch forever... infact, i kinda wished i could have.
ha! how melodramatic!
speaking of which... im in a rather, want guy comfort mood... somehow every thought keeps on going back to guys. which is crazy. and yes, i know i should just think about something else... but at the moment im not...
the need for strong arms to be wrapped around me, for me to snuggle and cuddle and feel protected and loved is getting intense...
right. should tell you about something that happened today. Laura did her "what has yits meant to me" speech. was a wonderful speech.
in it, she used the example that we are all shells, all chipped and broken, but thats ok. God seeks after us and uses us. and that, in our chippedness and brokeness we are beautiful, and God sees us as beautiful.
it made me cry. well.. get tears in my eyes anyway. i mean, did God just give me a big kick of what?
the path to realiseing that God thinks im beautiful, and thats alright, is a long one. one im starting to journey on. i am battleing myself, i am battleing the world, i am battleing the devil. all tell me im not good enough. im not pretty enough, im not thin enough, that no one will love me, that no man will want to marry me, that im worthless. but its God whos battleing for me. i just have to let him. am i?
i think im starting to.
self image. why does it have such a hold on me?
