"sam, you're not very talkative are you..."

firstly i would like to thank, and apologise to all those people (so only three of you have this blog) who asked how i was. i am sorry i didnt tell you, truthfully i dont know exactly what was/is wrong. but i felt that if i started talking i would have burst into tears. i dont think im ready for crying infront of everyone yet...

sitting in class, front row. all by myself. tired, sunburnt, sore and hungry. my mind began to wander, and went down paths of my silly insecurities. hearing people laugh around me, and not having me laughing with them. i felt left out and unloved.
i knew this wasnt the intention of anyone there...

i questioned the air, asking am i so high maintianance and selfish as to want other peoples attention.
and so the overwhelming desire to cry threatened to consume me. but i resisted. i longed to be else where, away from people, so i could just cry. but i also longed to be involved with people so that i wouldnt need to cry.

and i have to say.. bossing me to go do something, forcing me to go do something will not make me do it. i will do it if i want to do it. sometimes a push will help me. but i need to know you care about me, and love me before you can tell me what to do.
so do you?



tomorrow is a new day, a new smile will grace my lips, and i will supress the need for strong arms to be wrapped around me, and to be able to cry, feeling safe, secure and loved.

5:31 pm | Permalink