Morning Musings

so. i have this incredible pain in my stomach, intestines... area. yay for being doubled over trying not to move to stop the pain. ok. so maybe thats a tad melodramatic, but hey. i began feeling a bit sick this morning at work, but it came and went. but now its really bad. its probably just a stomach bug or something.

i was sitting, musing in the early am, sitting in the back of the truck watching the market life go past, and i was thinking. yes i was sitting and thinking. *chuckles*
about, how i have treated some of my friends, particulary those who are in relationships around me. my attitude towards them was very jealous, and slightly resentful. of the fact that their partners are close enough to see face to face. so, i was sitting there and it hit me as to what i was doing. i wasnt putting god first, even thought thats something that i was insistant apon at the beginning of this.
it wasnt, isnt healthy for me to be jealous like that, and its not fair on my friends who have done nothing wrong. so i really felt the need to apologise to them, and seek their forgivness. and i did.
i have to remember that God isnt out to get me (not that i really think he is) but that he wants to help me. he desires to help me. i just have to ask him. because he doesnt do things against my will. that means i have to continue to ask him for help, because my will says that i can do this by myself, when i know thats a lie.
so, prayer is definatly something i have to keep reminding myself to do, until i get into a good habit. but still, probably even then i will need to keep reminding myself.

8:25 pm | Permalink