so its monday...
so its already monday.
5 weeks of yits left, including camp...
i have realised that i escape a lot... i tend not to think about things that require me to actually think... i bury my head in the sand.
but lets start at the beginning of this...
i was sitting in church last night, with some guy preaching. im supposed to be comtemplating God, and all that jazz. but is that what im doing? no... not really at all...
i suppose what i was doing some could consider fantasising... but that just conjours up all other different images. no, i would call it day dreaming.
so here i am, sitting second row from the front, right in front of the preachery guy, and yet im miles and years away.
meeting some special guy, falling in love. im beautiful, thin, happy.
first kiss. first baby.
i thought i had gotten my need for eros love under control... but apparently not.
i want love, but is yearning after it wrong?
what about trusting on God?
perhaps what is worse, is that the drive is wanting me to stop waiting on God, stop depending on him...
(the sermons going along the following lines,
you are not what you accheive, but what you become.
its about character development.
co heirs with christ.)
ok... just came back from dinner.
this blog isnt really making much sense.
i'll tell you about my day instead.
woke up from a dream full of people i know. i definatly dream in colour. bright blue water, green eyes, red tops.
woke up feeling very refreshed. that feeling disappeared over the day.
monday morning classes are always heavy. they chuck us in the deep end at the start of the week.
this mornings class had one major theme that i found,
"the cross isnt just a contract for the forgiveness of sin.... its a covenant for life!"
its supposed to change our lives.
what lifestyle alternative are we offering people?
christianity should be a way of living!
that we want to be the centre of attention. its a very selfish thing. we like to play like the world revolves around us.
we want to escape from the lives we're living. to go live a fairy tale.
even as chriatians we do this. its all about us.
about our ministry, destiny, calling... whatever.
we all want to be the celebrity, to be in the spot light, to be upfront.
what can God do for us, how does he make us feel.... us us us us US!
anyway... so after a rather full on class, we had lunch... a nice relaxing time, sitting in the grass... in the sun... me massaging Bec. i think i got sunburnt.... silly me...
text'd Nat. the other half of Samalie. she hasnt been around YITS for a while now. since the holidays. even before the hols. kinda really missing her.
anyway, she says shes sick with a glandular fever type of thing...
spiritual growth was alright. some how im not getting as much out of the classes as id like.
perhaps becuase its about the spirit. dont really get the third part of the trinity. i mean, theologically i know who he is, but personally. probably, but then again...
and so now im hope, trying to escape from reality... could play the sims. now thats a real escape, but instead im here blogging about it. talk about escapism.
trying to figure out how i feel. perpetual state of hunger still around... home work piled up, needing to get done.
trying to figure out who i can annonymously serve, even though it doesnt need to be anonymous. but perhaps, becuase the compliments and power go to my head. though i do like being thanked for what i do, just not have the driving force.
and thankyou Jo. that was a really lovely email. im sure i'll talk to you about it before you read this. :)
anyway, i think this is long enough...
