Friday... and concerns...
feeling a little sick atm. shaking, and sweating, and sick stomach feeling. eyes cant focus... silly hormones....
today was good.
this morning bec and i went out for morning tea, in which no tea, or scones (or any food) was consumed. just at a local cafe (the one that Bec actually likes.. :P). i had an iced coffee. mainly the only time i will drink coffee is if its an iced one...
then, sitting there, my feet in the sun, my bad on the table, gazng out to mt Dandenong, bec and i decided that we were going to be spontanious, and go formal dress shopping... now, i like being spontanious (even if i dont know how to spell the word), but i dont really do it very often....
any way, what entailed was a lovely day full of public transport, sore knees, eastland, dress trying on, seeing people we know, eating lunch and a bit more walking.... oh and some talking.
not about anything really deep though.. mostly small talk....
it really did make my day...
had family and friends night for yits tonight...
i dont really know why i am blogging, i was going to say something deep and meaningful, but i think youve had enough of that from me for a while...
Pearl and Tony are watching 13... good movie. rather confronting...
oh yeah. thats right. trying on formal dresses. went into one shop, where, oh, 6 months ago i would have been a 14, i got a dress, being very optomistic, from the 12 rack. tried it on.. and not only did it fit, there was extra room...
but what was annoying, was trying on strapless dresses (where 6 months ago would have been fine) the dresses kept on falling down. grr to the fact that the first place a chick loses weight is her breasts....
*cough cough* yeah.. um.. you guys didnt need to know that....
i guess in my head i set myself goals of what size i want to be. mainly if i can fit into a certian item of clothing. right now, its a pair of black pants i have. when they are lose on me i have convinced myself that i will stop all this sillyness with food. however, the goal has changed before, so whats to say that it just wont change again...
i guess just once i want to be the thin one... who fits into a size 10.. or 8.. but thats never going to happen....
never been brave (or silly) enough to want to throw up. binge eating makes me sick. i dont take pills, drink water... i just dont need very much food to survive... or perhaps i do, but im trying to convince myself that i dont...
well.. that was an over share... just the sort of thing you want to be reading on a friday night, or saturday, or when ever you will end up reading this....
i guess i wonder what will change. i read a fellow yitsers journal/ critical incidents time line thingy a while back. in it she expressed her disapointment at the fact that sharing what she did on ash wednesday, nothing had changed. no one had tried to help her. it was like people just ignored ever hearing anything...
and so perhaps thats where my concerns lie. i dont share these things to have something done. in fact i dont even know why i do share these things. perhaps im so sick and tired of keeping everything bottled up inside that i just had to tell someone, something. and this is a little easier than standing up in class and announcing all my problems...
perhaps i just want someone to be interested, and to push me for answers... or something like that....
