jumbled thoughts

Just came back from dinner before, with my dad.
no where fancy, just the local pub bistro, but i didnt mind. it actually reminded me of my childhood.
see, in leigh creek there wasnt any fancy resturants, in fact, basically the only place you could go to get a sit down meal was the bistro.
the burgandy carpet, vertical blinds, fluro light. boring seats, square tables, little table numbers. having to go up and order your food. a basic pub menu.

now i dont mind fancy resturants... well, actually.. im not a big fancy fan...

oh i dont even know what im saying.

am talking to a long lost friend over msn.
havent seen her, or heard from her in over 3 years. she has a boyfriend, an apprentaship, and is expecting her first baby.
she doesnt smoke, use drugs or drink.
she is younger than i am.

i have a very close friend who enjoys going out and playing with guys. picks up at crown. has had sex with 6 random guys.
the saddest part, shes had sex with two other male friends i know.
one who professes to be a christian.



i feel so young. so immature. so childish. so silly.
how can i be 18 in a month and a half.
why am i still trying to clutch onto my childhood?
do i really fear growing up that much?
or do i just fear what i think grown up is?
bills, debt, arguments, stress, not having any fun...

why do i want to have children myself?
the need to be cherished, to be held in strong arms... *hits self* lets not go down that path tonight...

i dont know where this blog is going....


my knee is sore.

9:34 pm | Permalink