haphazard communications with the Divine
wow.. its wednesday again. my knee is still sore, and at any moment now im expecting dad to tell me to go to bed.
ok... i'll fill you in on the last 24 hours. (if i can remember them).
last night, after beating around the bush for a while, bec asked me about whats really going on (ie, with the whole.. "food thing"). bec, i thank you for that.... you werent being too.. what did you say this evening? oh, i forget... anyway. i should be able to talk about it...
i took your advice, however. went to bed (with my knee being really REALLY sore) and talked to God... cried a bit... wrote this;
"God, talk to you about this? so easy to say, so hard to do...
do i have a problem, or just because i dont have the same extreme type cases that i hear of i dont think i do, that its not an issue.
could i stop now. if i tried? i'd like to think i could, but perhaps i cant. perhaps this lie has such a deep hold on me. so much so that i cant notice it anymore.
and do i want to stop? silly me thinks no. im getting results. isnt that what i wanted?
how can i talk about this with you Lord, when i dont want to stop... i just know what your going to say..."
looking back.. and even now i know im being rather childish about this whole thing... like i know what God the almighty will say...
im still trying to get my head around this.
i guess i still think its not that big of an issue. and i am rather stubborn...
dave, you say ask people to pray about it for me.. you know how hard that is for me to ask... i guess its me not wanting to be weak... or something like that...
ask me three times how i'm really feeling....
anyway.. on another note. community.... thinking about beach mission at the end of the year. and basically one of the reasons i wouldnt do it, apart from money, is that its not my community. i dont know if its God, or if its just me looking for an excuse, or what, but i am feeling more and more strongly tied to the community in mt ev...
went to urban seed this arvo for group focus. stupid annoying expensive car parks...
it was alright... a lot of standing. my knee didnt really like that....
i like bumping into people at unexpected places, but didnt see anyone i knew... thats cause i dont really know anyone in the city...
oh yeah. and i dont like conflict.... but i'll blog more about that tomorrow. it is time for the sam to go to bed....
night all...
I think I used: 'laying into you'? (maybe not) to describe it Sam. Good to hear you took it to God. To let you know - it goes without saying that I am praying for stuff.
love Bec
