something else
for the risk of doing another emo babble blog, i will go get a drink of tea to calm me down...
ad im back with both water and earl grey.
im wearing my new pj's while sitting at my computer typing this...
pink long pants with various patterned butterflies on them, and a pink silk ribbon for a tie. they are thin and light. the top is thickish, light blue and very comfy.
if you want to know, i was rather sneeky when i bought them, as the top and the pants dont go together. i didnt like the pair from either, and liked these two together, so just made them one. both the same brand, so it doesnt matter...
i had holiday club this morning. the first day of the week. its the.. err, fourth or fifth time i have done it. this time its not being run or led by Jo. its already different...
i value community and relationship in growing people to christ. , and somehow, this year it seems to be more going the other direct. the hillsong direction... *sighs* jesus is my superhero? how can this be?
i cant get my head around how selfish that statement is. it makes the fibres of my body call out in protest...
but i just want to give up. i cant fight. i dont have two legs to stand on...
i had a dream that had bec in it this morning. she was upset/angry/annoyed at me. i woke and felt that. and shes not even here to dispell it...
it makes me start getting insecure about my friendships...
im sorry, but im going to rant for a moment here.
christianity has become so selfish. we have become so selfish. its all about, come to the church, come to the church and get saved, when actually, we, AS CHRISTIANS are called to GO OUT TO THE WORLD! to go and love people, regardless of who they are.
god is crying for this world and yet we are so selfish we dont go out and do anything about it.
i struggle with this, i do... and it pains me to see a lot of the churches call for people to come to church to get saved.
and i dont know why.
i just wish i could be passive and be happy like that. to be happy with the hillsong/planetshakers/big church way of doing things. but im not. i cant be. and i dont know why...
there is more to this world, there is more to God than that. and i dont want to fight with anyone...
*sighs*
i dont know what to do with how im feeling.
i feel discontented. with church, with how i see the western church going. it makes me sad, and yet i cant figure out anyway to change it.
the church body as a whole, im sure is going ok. but sometimes it seems like we are missing out on what God called us to do. we sit in our churches and hear about all this stuff God does for us, and yes, while it is important to know that stuff, are we really christians if we dont put any of it into practise?
nearly all of the prophets around the time of the exile were calling isreal back away from just being an act. some of them use pretty heated language.
god doesnt desire sacrifice, he desires mercy and action. if a faith doesnt have actions, how can it be faith?
i think what God wants is honesty. not a show, not a charade, not an act. i dont think he cares about the lights, the power points, the music, the entertainments we think will make us cool, but meerly makes us look like everyone else.
god desires an honest and open heart. he desires us to love him with everything we have, with every fbre of our being, and to love everyone else with the same love. to love our neighbour as ourself is such a high calling. do you love the man who raped you, your brother you dont get along with, your mum who deserted you, the guy at your church to went too far with. do you desire to put them before yourself. would you die for them?
i think, often the answer is no. i know for me, a lot of the time it is too.
i struggle with being selfish. i struggle with being comfortable. i struggle with hearing from God. i struggle with the big churches way of doing things.
just becuase i dont like it, doesnt make it wrong, necessarily...
im sorry. this post is going no where...
Hey that definitely went somewhere. I can see a lot of your points there. You gotta remember not every church is like that! The big ones generally are, the ones with all the publicity. But there's a lot of people out there doing things differently. You just need to go out and find them, then maybe you can get involved in a different way of doing things.
And remember its up to you. I think you realise this already, but you did just spend a post whinging about what the big churches are doing and then at the end practically admit that you do it yourself :-P.
Anyway, keep writing, some good ideas there. More people agree with you than you may realise.
