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Thursday, June 22, 2006

epiphany

my entire life i have sought for his approval. my entire life i have wanted him to answer my question. am i lovely, am i good enough, do you care? and the answer always came back with a resounding "NO", and it has left me to only want it more.
i am not lovely. i am not good enough, and he does not care. i am just a fragile broken child in need of someone to tell me that im ok.
and it is so hard to believe that God the father will be any different. this life of searching for my value and acceptance elsewhere has become normal to me. and thats what makes it even worse.
it leaves me hollow and the pain is dead. under this happy smile i am desperatly searching for someone to tell me that i am wanted, accepted, loved. but it wont be the same. i wont be him...






(go here for the picture that came before this.)

Oh Sam, my beautiful, beautiful sam. i have some understanding of what you're going through, its kinda the same with me and my dad.
you dont get what you want from you're dad so you look for it in guys. Remember Samantha Witteveen, you're a beautiful, loved, daughter of GOD. He loves you sooo much. so do i. love ya.

I understand what you mean to. In relation to almost everyone though. I want to feel accepted and loved.

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