the curse of the youngest child

birth order plays a great rolke in the development of a child. developmental psychologists have conducted significant research into it.

i am a youngest child, this is what one source says about the typical youngest child.

"Behaves like only child.
Feels every one bigger and more capable.
Expects others to do things, make decisions, take responsibility.
Feels smallest and weakest.
May not be taken seriously.
Becomes boss of family in getting service and own way.
Develops feelings of inferiority or becomes "speeder" and overtakes older siblings.
Remains 'The Baby.'
Places others in service."

to understand how a youngest child, this is what it says about the only child.

"Pampered and spoiled.
Feels incompetent because adults are more capable.
Is center of attention; often enjoys position.
May feel special.
Self-centered.
Relies on service from others rather than own efforts.
Feels unfairly treated when doesn't get own way. May refuse to cooperate.
Plays "divide and conquer" to get own way.
Pleases other only when wants to.
Creative.
May have striving characteristics of oldest and inadequacy feelings and demands of youngest."



i am definatly a youngest child. this selfishness, this childishness that engulfs me. i get angry when i dont get my own way. i kick and scream and protest, sometimes literally. i get resentful.
i hate getting compared to my sister. i am a seperate person. i have always been compared to her, always. whether its been spoken or not. when i have surpassed her in a way i would gloat and parade it, but when i am reminded that im not better than her i get jealous and resentful. and its just me being stupid and childish and bratty.

i will get over these things.
i have to remember that God is enough.
i have to remember that he loves me, even if no one else does.
i have to get over this. i will get over this.

i hate myself for this uglyness i am showing. this rotting wound in me that is festering and showing itself.

*sighs*

4:35 pm | Permalink