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Saturday, October 21, 2006
Trust
i woke to hear it, the soft pattering of rain on the roof. i send a silent prayer out to God thanking him, and yet asking for more.
this morning the sun was shining, reflecting delightfully off the damp ground.
things are better with me, between God and I. between Steve and I, and just in general.
i havent heard back from any of the places i resume dropped, alas, but i guess that will be alright. i'm trying to really trust God with things.
He reassured me on thursday night that He does have it all in control, and He does know whats going to happen. trusting Him is something He has been asking of me for a while, and its something which i am slowly learning. little baby steps.
I read through an old journal from last year, and there was a lot to do with trust, surrender and fear in there. some things which i am still struggleing with currently. true, i have grown since then, as one would expect to happen in a year. but i still have a long way to go.
i wonder if it will be a life long growth...
I love looking over old journals and sometimes see how much you've grown. I was reading some of my blogs from the first half of the year, and I see that things really have changed since then.
For example: something I wrote on April 16:
The point is, I feel like SA has some part of me that will never leave. When I listen to the music on LifeFM I start to remember crazy planetshakers days when I was all God, and so desperate. Now that I'm free to choose, to do whatever I want in Victoria, I just, don't. I haven't even found a church all because I seem to not be bothered to fix my relationship with God.
All is not lost. I still aknowlege God as Lord of all. I believe everything, but, the relationship bit seems to be missing. I can have a perfect relationship with Mish, but not one with God. Is it because he knows all, and I'm trying to hide myself, yet can't?
Things have really changed since then...
