White Nights
well wow...
today it has been 13 weeks of dating steve. our 3 month is tomorrow. it doesnt seem like very long when you say it like that, but it seems like a while.
ive been really wanting to learn how to drive recently, and between yesterday and today have done about an hour. yesterday was turning the car on and reversing up and down the driveway. today was going to a newly planned housing estate without the houses but its lovely new roads and no cars to drive on. i will get better.
i also applied for MacDonalds yesterday and got an email today asking me to book an interview. Stan, my boss currently, is selling his buisness. im not entirely sure when, but i know that it will be soonish.
i have been stressing a little about my future, and im feeling God ask me to trust him. I think i need to pray more about this before i do anything.
the interview times are next monday, from 3pm. so i will have to decide soon. keep that in your prayers would be lovely.
uni stuff has been confusing me. i dont know what i want to do with my life. ha, well, actually i do, but somehow that doesnt pay the bills (not that i really have many bills to pay... but i will!). for a very long time i have wanted to get married and have kids and be a mother. probably a stay at home mother. yes, im sure your all going to say thats silly and impracticle, but its what i really want to do.
and i feel like i have been called to love people. ha, thats harder than it sounds.
but really, those two things arent great pointers for careers, or even jobs.
i dont think i could handle having an office job. i wouldnt mind working in a shop or something, thus why i was applying for maccas. even if i dont get the job i will still have done something about it.
i know i need to trust God, but how does that actually look. is there a difference between trusting God and not doing anything, or doing too much and not trusting in God properly. sigh.
So i need to pray. i want to seek God, but its hard hearing what he is saying. i get confused as to whether its my own thoughts, or him, or.. something else...
I fear the unknown, but i want to be brave. i am brave when i have people around me doing this with me. I need to remind myself that God is always with me, even when i dont feel he is.
A lot can happen in 6 months. it will be March, i will (probably) be started back at uni, i will be 19, and hopefully i will have, or be very close to getting my P's. Hopefully i will have a job.
i have been thinking about moving, moving out of home to somewhere. and this adds more pressure onto me to get a job so i can save up for it, and so i can have a steady income to pay for bills and things. im not 100% sure if thats healthy thinking. but i am starting to think about moving out things. like i need a new bed and mattress, oh, when i think about it, i need a lot of things. well, i want a lot of things, but do i actually need them.
getting my lisence is what im aiming for atm. anyone want to help me learn to drive? the more practise i get, the better i will become.
(the title of this blog is from a random middle eastern movie i watched half of today when i was bored. i rather liked it, even if i did miss out on the middle cause steve called. but i definatly wasnt arguing with that.)
