the symphony of blase...

blase - Uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence.

and thats what i feel about God.

i mean, its easter, and i.. i just dont feel anything.

i know that this is the time jesus died, and yadda yadda yadda.
i know that stuff
but i dont feel it.

and i know it shouldnt be about feelings, as such...


i really think that those who are brought up christians are disadvantaged.
we are desensited to it all.
we believe in god, becuase our parents do, and its expected of us.
we dont have the choice, it feels like...

and i have chosen to follow him myself...
but..

something seems missing...


we take it for granted.

i mean. i know god is there, and i know what hes asking, but.. yet... i dont obey...


its like im living two different christian lives.
one knows god, prays, and is happy to indulge in his love. like a child.
the other is a selfish teenager, staying distand from god, cause its not cool to not be in control of your life.
becuase that would involve being open.

if i struggle to be truthfully open with my friends, and i know God knows these....


tomorrow is supposed to be the celebration of jesus rising again.

yet, why dont i feel very joyus...
why dont i feel anything...


what does easter mean for me?
knowing, and yet, not believeing...

10:34 pm | Permalink