current mood -

i sat on my floor last night, legs pulled close to me, chin resting on knees.
i watched my ca clean himself, then snuggle down on my doonah. the soft purring only added to my already pensive mood.

i had been in a rather happy mood during the afternoon, but it got to 9ish, and that joy dissapeared. i started to get insecure, and sad. and i wasnt too sure why.
im pretty sure me being tired would only have added to it.

and i dont like being insecure.
i dont even like saying i am.
becuase i have gotten in the past, the whole, oh dont be insecure, its silly, turn to God, and blah blah blah...

i was sitting on my floor wondering why i so craved peoples attention, affection.
i could explain it away as saying i didnt get complimented, or much verbal praise from the ages of 10, til, oh, now... and i still dont get much.
but that would be an excuse.

i mean, we all like to know we're loved, dont we. so why doesnt that happen...

10:34 am | Permalink