Insecurities...

we all have insecurites dont we? most of the time its over what other people think of us... thats silly isnt it? i mean do other peoples thoughts really matter, are they that important? well, whether they are or not, the truth is that i focus so much of my time and effort on what other people think of me. i wish i didnt, and i really admire those people who have enough confidence to not care what others think.. or atleast appear not to care...
but thats not me... my insecurities are brimming to the surface most of the time... friends seems to be a big part of the issue... and i know its all my fault, cause i know that i have friends out there, somewhere, that like me. and when i say this sort of stuff it sounds like im fishing for compliments... maybe thats right... but sometimes i like to be reassured every now and then, more likely more "now" then "then", that there are actually people who like me.
maybe its becuase i dont really like myself that much. i thought i had loving myself down pat, but somehow there is this part of me that i dont like, and im afraid that that is what everyone else sees when they see me.
its strange that there are many people struggleing with the same stuff, and yet we all walk alone in our protective shells not sticking our hands out to help the person walking right next to us. isnt that what community is? working together? growing together? living life together? or maybe im wrong.
but everyone has their own insecurities, who am i to complain?

aww crap.. now im in a bad mood again. im all melancholy... and i dont know how to get out of it... laughter seems so hard..

10:37 pm | Permalink