Up Against (Blackout)

Steves up north. will be for another two weeks. cruddy phone reception, if any. no time to check emails for him. yep, its a serious backslide in communication.
trying to stay positive and keep busy is an important factor. praying a lot too. (relating to something related to this).
got some kind of answer yesterday, from Him. just the reassurance that He is in charge.

to keep myself busy for the next two weeks, im trying to go spend time with friends i dont see very often. i dont know how much its working though.
lack of sleep, strange dreams, and this sense of lonliness makes me insecure about friendships. you know, the whole, do they actually like me, do they actually want to hang out with me... or is it all based on online.

i think maybe im expecting too much of people. wanting them to do the little things that make me feel loved and accepted. i keep going out to the post box each day wanting a letter. from someone. to me. written, not typed. but each day it seems i just get let down.

maybe im expecting too much from people in general. i walk a line between relying on people and God and myself, and relying on noone, saying that people will only hurt me and let me down. that they will always do that. so i shouldnt be worried or care if they do. and i should rely on God all the time, and hes all i need. i dont know which way i fall. more toward one when i am hurt, even unbeknown to others, because of their seeming unthoughtfulness.




the picture is by ExplodingDog, the song title by Taking Back Sunday.

8:29 am | Permalink