a rude invitation to leave
the door slammed behind me. i could feel my cheeks beginning to burn, and my eyes starting to water. i bit down the urge to cry there, and opened the other door into where the kids were sitting. being positive that they had heard the other door slam, i walked quietly to my seat at the back, no eye contact.
i sat, and began to write. continueing the letter to jess, which i had started before. i used pen, a change from the texta i used previously. i wasnt in a bright mood.
the pattering of the rain only increased the tears building up, threatening to flow from my eyes.
the chldren around me began to move, and i knew i had to make an exit. i couldnt hide my saddness, and was afraid that if someone asked, i wouldnt be able to lie.
i caught my sisters eye, and she came over. i told her i had to go. the reason i gave wasnt very co herant. i was trying to remain strong, and brave. i sensed she understood.
i set my chin, put on a brave face and walked from the room. a word to the leader, who didnt question me, then the walk to the room where he was.
i didnt look at him, but stood erect, tall, proud. trying not to appear hurt. collection of my bag, and things, and i left the room again. leaveing the two in it in silence. the door slammed behind me, and i walked into the room full of children again.
cries of goodbyes echoed in my ears, and a tender hug from a little girl, and i left.
the rain pattered on my head, as my wall went down. two more steps and i was sobbing. i blinked and the world went blurry. i resolved not to cry. instead my breathing became broken, as the sobs worsened.
several more steps, and the chill of the rain seeped through my jacket. thoughts running errant along varying pathways, i concluded that i shouldnt be crying. two more steps, another conclusion, he shouldnt have said that, three more steps, getting over it.
i had long grown past the stage where simple words seriously affected me. school years, and bullying thickened my wall.
perhaps it was the shock. from a friend, unprovoked. possibly in joke, but it didnt seem it.
over the road almost home, and i began to shiver. rain dripped from my hair as i hurried.
my mind stumbled upon the orange key. no put downs. swearing would be included in that. i felt tears again, but buried them. no more tears over this.
