re cap
i thought i should fill you in on some stuff thats been happening my dearly loved avid blog readers.
im going to graduate this saturday, from tabor. what a year of my life that was.
yes, i did grow much closer to God, however, i now know how far i am from the ideal he wants me to be... if that makes sense.
i still have some of the same issues, of fully giving him all of my life, not so much with trust, but with letting him be lord over my life.
perhaps i need to get out of the pride rut, with thinking i have it all together, when really there are holes that are miles wide and gaping and seeping. and i just apply a bandaid to them and pretend everything is alright.
the guy stuff has been getting better... slowly. i think. i fluctuate so much in my thoughts and emotions, that its hard to tell...
but really, the main reason for my looking for love from guys dissapeared when i realised and believed that God really did love me. dont get me wrong, i still seek "ego boosts" (as paul bluntly put it) from guys, flirting, that stuff.
i just need to differentiate flirting feelings, from real feelings, and discernment isnt one of my strong suits.
the image stuff. this seems to be going down hill a bit recently. perhaps it was becuase of my non eating, and crazy sleeping habits, and work and exercise, but i lost more wieght in my holidays. i really got to be happy with how i looked, and was content, and that stuff. and then i go back to uni, begin to eat normally, and find myself sitting around all day.
its not like i dont excercise, thats whats called walking to and from uni. but i find myself gaining the weight i lost. and i know i shouldnt be complaining. but i find myself growing discontent with my appearance. and the thoughts of eating less come to mind again...
told you i was going down hill here...
and its not becuase i think god doesnt think im beautiful, but i want to know that im attractive, and beautiful to people... how superficial hey...
what other "issues" was i having?
i was thinking as i was coming home from my stats lecture tonight, about trust, and the goodness of humanity.
i mean, i know that humanity is falled, and sinful and "bad". but i dont know if i beleive that all people are "bad" so to speak. i generally would trust that everyone out there would want to help me, and be good people towards me.
perhaps its this inherant trust which can lead me astray, or get me into trouble. or perhaps it ever distorts how i view god.
i know god wants the best for me, and i trust that that will happen. and.. its really hard to explain.
i dont get angry at God about stuff that happens, becuase he has it all in control, and its in his plan..
gah, not explaining that correctly...
im tired. i always seem to be tired lately... too much time infront of a computer, and not enough in my bed sleeping. doesnt help that computer screens are bad for my eyes (i used to need to wear glasses when i looked at one) and im tired from uni, and homework... and work, and not sleeping in... and online stuff... and people...
*sighs*
this has gotten sloppy...
tired...
You used to need glasses to view the screen.. Was that just a temporary need, eye strain.
Did that make sense?
Sleep is good.
drew, no, i needed (or is it need?) glasses for reading, computer work, that sort of stuff. i had glasses for it, but they dissapoeared when i was 10. havent worn any since.
i dont have perfect 20/20 vision, in fact, im pretty sure its my right eye thats dodgy.
its not bad, i just cant read the board when im up the back, for example. my left eye is dominant, and it makes up for it. i can see, and the worlds not fuzzy. so its ok.
